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The Lunatic Cafe :: Гамильтон Лорел
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"I'll drink a cup of coffee and watch you eat."
He smiled. "It's a deal."
He stayed standing, looking down at me. He looked sad. Lost. If you love someone, you shouldn't make them miserable. It's a rule somewhere, or should be.
"You combed your hair out."
"You like it loose."
"Just like this is one of my favorite sweaters," I said.
"Is it?" His voice held a teasing edge to it. I could have the lightness back. We could have a nice relaxing evening. It was up to me.
I looked up into his big brown eyes and wanted it. But I couldn't lie to him. That would be worse than cruel. "This is awkward."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing. It's not your fault. It's mine."
He shook his head. "You can't help how you feel."
"My first instinct is to cut and run, Richard. Stop seeing you. No more long conversations. No touching. Nothing."
"If that's what you want." His voice sounded sort of strangled, as if it cost him dearly to say those words.
"What I want is you. I just don't know if I can handle all of you."
"I shouldn't have proposed until you'd seen what I really was."
"I saw Marcus and the gang."
"It's not the same as seeing me go beastly on you, is it?"
I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "No," I said, "it isn't."
"If you have someone else you can call to wait with you tonight, I'll go. You said you needed time and I practically move in. I'm pushing."
"Yeah, you are."
"I'm scared that I'm losing you," he said.
"Pushing won't help," I said.
"I guess not."
I stood there staring at him. The apartment was dark. The only light from the kitchen. It could have been, should have been, very intimate. I told everybody that lycanthropy was just a disease. It was illegal and immoral to discriminate. I didn't have a prejudiced bone in my body, or so I told myself. Staring up into Richard's handsome face, I knew it wasn't true. I was prejudiced. I was prejudiced against monsters. Oh, they were good enough to be my friends, but even my closest friends, Ronnie and Catherine, were human. Good enough to be friends, but not good enough to love. Not good enough to share my bed. Is that really what I thought? Was that who I was?
It wasn't who I wanted to be. I raised zombies and slew vampires. I wasn't clean enough to throw stones.
I moved closer to him. "Hold me, Richard. Just hold me."
His arms enfolded me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my face against his chest.
"I'll drink a cup of coffee and watch you eat."
He smiled. "It's a deal."
He stayed standing, looking down at me. He looked sad. Lost. If you love someone, you shouldn't make them miserable. It's a rule somewhere, or should be.
"You combed your hair out."
"You like it loose."
"Just like this is one of my favorite sweaters," I said.
"Is it?" His voice held a teasing edge to it. I could have the lightness back. We could have a nice relaxing evening. It was up to me.
I looked up into his big brown eyes and wanted it. But I couldn't lie to him. That would be worse than cruel. "This is awkward."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing. It's not your fault. It's mine."
He shook his head. "You can't help how you feel."
"My first instinct is to cut and run, Richard. Stop seeing you. No more long conversations. No touching. Nothing."
"If that's what you want." His voice sounded sort of strangled, as if it cost him dearly to say those words.
"What I want is you. I just don't know if I can handle all of you."
"I shouldn't have proposed until you'd seen what I really was."
"I saw Marcus and the gang."
"It's not the same as seeing me go beastly on you, is it?"
I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "No," I said, "it isn't."
"If you have someone else you can call to wait with you tonight, I'll go. You said you needed time and I practically move in. I'm pushing."
"Yeah, you are."
"I'm scared that I'm losing you," he said.
"Pushing won't help," I said.
"I guess not."
I stood there staring at him. The apartment was dark. The only light from the kitchen. It could have been, should have been, very intimate. I told everybody that lycanthropy was just a disease. It was illegal and immoral to discriminate. I didn't have a prejudiced bone in my body, or so I told myself. Staring up into Richard's handsome face, I knew it wasn't true. I was prejudiced. I was prejudiced against monsters. Oh, they were good enough to be my friends, but even my closest friends, Ronnie and Catherine, were human. Good enough to be friends, but not good enough to love. Not good enough to share my bed. Is that really what I thought? Was that who I was?
It wasn't who I wanted to be. I raised zombies and slew vampires. I wasn't clean enough to throw stones.
I moved closer to him. "Hold me, Richard. Just hold me."
His arms enfolded me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my face against his chest.