JК
A Kiss Of Shadows :: Гамильтон Лорел
Страница: 85 из 338It had been unfair, and he'd always been the perfect gentleman because he thought I was human. Now he knew the truth, and it had changed things. Even if I said no, and he took it well, I'd never be able to treat him this casually again. I'd never be able to cuddle in his big arms in innocence. That was gone. I mourned that, but there was no recovering it. All I could do now was try and keep Uther from getting hurt. The trouble was I didn't know how to do that because I didn't have a clue what to say.
My thinking had taken too long. He closed his eyes and moved his hand off my thigh. "I'm sorry, Merry."
I reached up and touched his chin. "No, Uther, I'm flattered."
He opened his eyes, looked at me, but the hurt was there, plain to see. He'd put his heart on his sleeve, and I'd put a knife through it. Dammit, I was about to get on a plane and never see these people again. I didn't want to leave him like this. He was too good a friend for that.
"I am part human, Uther. I can't… " There was no delicate way to put it. "I can't take the damage that a full-blooded fey could take."
"Damage?"
So much for being coy. "You're too large for my body, Uther. If you were… smaller, I could have sex with you for an afternoon, but I don't see us dating. You're my friend."
He looked at me, gaze searching my face. "You could truly sleep with me and not be repulsed?"
"Repulsed? Uther, you have been too long among the humans. You are a jack-in-irons and you look exactly as you are supposed to look. There are others of your kind. You are not a freak."
He shook his head. "I am exiled, Merry. I can never go back to faerie, and here among the humans I am a freak."
It made my chest tight to hear him say that. "Uther, don't let other people's eyes make you hate yourself."
"How can it not?" he asked.
I laid a hand over his chest, feeling the sure thick beat of his heart. "Inside is Uther, my friend, and I love you as a friend."
"I've been among humans long enough to know what the friend speech means," he said. Again he turned away from me, his body growing stiff and uncomfortable, as if he couldn't bear for me to touch him.
I got to my knees. I would have said I straddled his legs, but the best I could do was to put a knee on each thigh. I touched his face with my hands, exploring the slope of his forehead, the thick eyebrows. I had to lower my arms and come from underneath to trace his cheeks. I ran my thumb along his mouth, rubbing my hands along the smooth bone of the tusks. "You are a handsome jack-in-irons. The double tusk is highly prized.
My thinking had taken too long. He closed his eyes and moved his hand off my thigh. "I'm sorry, Merry."
I reached up and touched his chin. "No, Uther, I'm flattered."
He opened his eyes, looked at me, but the hurt was there, plain to see. He'd put his heart on his sleeve, and I'd put a knife through it. Dammit, I was about to get on a plane and never see these people again. I didn't want to leave him like this. He was too good a friend for that.
"I am part human, Uther. I can't… " There was no delicate way to put it. "I can't take the damage that a full-blooded fey could take."
"Damage?"
So much for being coy. "You're too large for my body, Uther. If you were… smaller, I could have sex with you for an afternoon, but I don't see us dating. You're my friend."
He looked at me, gaze searching my face. "You could truly sleep with me and not be repulsed?"
"Repulsed? Uther, you have been too long among the humans. You are a jack-in-irons and you look exactly as you are supposed to look. There are others of your kind. You are not a freak."
He shook his head. "I am exiled, Merry. I can never go back to faerie, and here among the humans I am a freak."
It made my chest tight to hear him say that. "Uther, don't let other people's eyes make you hate yourself."
"How can it not?" he asked.
I laid a hand over his chest, feeling the sure thick beat of his heart. "Inside is Uther, my friend, and I love you as a friend."
"I've been among humans long enough to know what the friend speech means," he said. Again he turned away from me, his body growing stiff and uncomfortable, as if he couldn't bear for me to touch him.
I got to my knees. I would have said I straddled his legs, but the best I could do was to put a knee on each thigh. I touched his face with my hands, exploring the slope of his forehead, the thick eyebrows. I had to lower my arms and come from underneath to trace his cheeks. I ran my thumb along his mouth, rubbing my hands along the smooth bone of the tusks. "You are a handsome jack-in-irons. The double tusk is highly prized.