Guilty Pleasures   ::   Гамильтон Лорел

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She got out of the car, sunglasses sliding into place. She stared at the church, arms crossed over her stomach. “It looks like they just unwrapped it and haven't put the trimmings on yet.”

“Yeah, a church without God. What is wrong with this picture?”

She didn't laugh. “Will anybody be up this time of day?”

“Oh, yes, they recruit during the day.”

“Recruit?”

“You know, go door to door, like the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses.”

She stared at me. “You've got to be kidding?”

“Do I look like I'm kidding?”

She shook her head. “Door-to-door vampires. How”-she wiggled her hands back and forth-“convenient.”

“Yep,” I said. “Let's go see who's minding the office.”

Broad white steps led up to huge double doors. One of the doors was open; the other had a sign that read, “Enter Friend and be at Peace.” I fought an urge to tear down the sign and stomp on it.

They were preying on one of the most basic fears of man, death. Everyone fears death. People who don't believe in God have a hard time with death being it. Die and you cease to exist. Poof. But at the Church of Eternal Life, they promise just what the name says. And they can prove it. No leap of faith. No waiting around. No questions left unanswered. How does it feel to be dead? Just ask a fellow church member.

Oh, and you'll never grow old either. No face-lifts, no tummy tucks, just eternal youth. Not a bad deal, as long as you don't believe in the soul.

As long as you don't believe the soul becomes trapped in the vampire's body and can never reach Heaven. Or worse yet, that vampires are inherently evil and you are condemned to Hell. The Catholic Church sees voluntary vampirism as a kind of suicide. I tend to agree. Though the Pope also excommunicated all animators, unless we ceased raising the dead. Fine; I became Episcopalian.

Polished wooden pews ran in two wide rows up towards what would have been an altar. There was a pulpit, but I couldn't call it an altar. It was just a blank blue wall surrounded by more white upsweeping walls.

The windows were red and blue stained glass. The sunlight sparkled through them, making delicate colored patterns on the white floor.

“Peaceful,” Ronnie said.

“So are graveyards.”

She smiled at me. “I'd thought you'd say that.”

I frowned at her. “No teasing; we're here on business.”

“What exactly do you want me to do?”

“Just back me up; look menacing if you can manage it.

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