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Sween Myth-tery of Life :: Asprin Robert
Страница: 38 из 110"You're having trouble making up yourmind whether or not you should get married at all ... much less to Queen Hemlock. Right?"
"Well ..."
"Right?" he pressed.
"Right."
"To me, the problem is that you don't have enough information to make an educated decision."
"You can say that again," I said heavily, gulping at my wine. "What's more, between the workload here and Queen Hemlock's timetable, I don't figure I'm going to get any, either."
"That's where I think I can help you," my guest smiled, leaning back in his chair again.
"Excuse me?" I said, fighting off the feeling that our conversation was caught in an unending loop.
"What would you say to a blind date?"
That one caught me totally off guard.
"Well ... the same thing I'd say to a date that could see, I imagine," I managed at last. "The trouble is, I haven't had any experience with either ..."
"No, no," the vampire interrupted. "I mean, How would you like me to fix you up with a date? Someone you've never seen before?"
"That would have to be the case," I nodded. "I don't recall ever having met a blind person ... male or female. Not that I've consciously avoided them, mind you ..."
"Hold it! Stop!" Vie said, holding up one hand while pressing the other to his forehead.
It occurred to me that, in that pose, he looked more than a little like Aahz.
"Let's try this again ... from the top. We were talking about your needing more experience with women. What I'm suggesting is that I line you up with a date ... someone I know ... so you can get that experience. Got it?"
"Got it," I nodded. "You know someone who's
blind. Tell me, should I act any different around her?"
"No. ... I mean, yes! NO!"
Vie seemed to be getting very worked up over the subject, and more than a little confused ... which made two of us.
"Look, Skeeve," he said finally, through clenched teeth. "The girl I'm thinking about is not blind. She's perfectly normal. Okay?"
"Okay," I said, hesitantly, looking for the hook. "A perfectly normal, average girl."
"Well ... not all that normal, or average,", the vampire smiled, relaxing a bit. "She's a lot of fun ... if you get what I mean. And she's a real looker ... knock your eyes out beautiful."
"You mean I'll go blind?"
Out of my merciful nature and in the interest of brevity (too late), I'll spare you the blow by blow account of the rest of the conversation.
"Well ..."
"Right?" he pressed.
"Right."
"To me, the problem is that you don't have enough information to make an educated decision."
"You can say that again," I said heavily, gulping at my wine. "What's more, between the workload here and Queen Hemlock's timetable, I don't figure I'm going to get any, either."
"That's where I think I can help you," my guest smiled, leaning back in his chair again.
"Excuse me?" I said, fighting off the feeling that our conversation was caught in an unending loop.
"What would you say to a blind date?"
That one caught me totally off guard.
"Well ... the same thing I'd say to a date that could see, I imagine," I managed at last. "The trouble is, I haven't had any experience with either ..."
"No, no," the vampire interrupted. "I mean, How would you like me to fix you up with a date? Someone you've never seen before?"
"That would have to be the case," I nodded. "I don't recall ever having met a blind person ... male or female. Not that I've consciously avoided them, mind you ..."
"Hold it! Stop!" Vie said, holding up one hand while pressing the other to his forehead.
It occurred to me that, in that pose, he looked more than a little like Aahz.
"Let's try this again ... from the top. We were talking about your needing more experience with women. What I'm suggesting is that I line you up with a date ... someone I know ... so you can get that experience. Got it?"
"Got it," I nodded. "You know someone who's
blind. Tell me, should I act any different around her?"
"No. ... I mean, yes! NO!"
Vie seemed to be getting very worked up over the subject, and more than a little confused ... which made two of us.
"Look, Skeeve," he said finally, through clenched teeth. "The girl I'm thinking about is not blind. She's perfectly normal. Okay?"
"Okay," I said, hesitantly, looking for the hook. "A perfectly normal, average girl."
"Well ... not all that normal, or average,", the vampire smiled, relaxing a bit. "She's a lot of fun ... if you get what I mean. And she's a real looker ... knock your eyes out beautiful."
"You mean I'll go blind?"
Out of my merciful nature and in the interest of brevity (too late), I'll spare you the blow by blow account of the rest of the conversation.