JК
The Harlequin :: Гамильтон Лорел
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«It was not sex she offered to my congregation, only friendship.»
«But it won't stay that way, it never does,» Richard said. He looked at Malcolm and said, «You're asking me to do something that you would never do yourself.»
Malcolm nodded. «You're right»—he nodded again—«you are absolutely right. I have stood on my moral high ground and been so certain. So certain that I was right, that Jean-Claude was not only wrong, but evil. I have said such hateful things to Anita, called her whore and witch . I have called all Jean-Claude's people that and worse to my congregation, but all my righteousness could not protect them.»
Richard nodded. «I know. Anita saved my mother and brother, saved their lives, but she did terrible things to get there in time. Things I still think are immoral, wrong, and I have to live every day with the knowledge that if I had been there I would have stopped Anita from torturing that man. I wouldn't have let her dehumanize him, or herself. I would have stood on my moral high ground and my mother and my brother, Daniel, would both be dead.» Tears shimmered, edged by the leather. «I used to be so sure of so much. Raina didn't shake my faith. She made me more certain. Only Anita, only Jean-Claude, only they have made me doubt everything.»
I drew a little away from Jean-Claude, still touching, because I was afraid to stop touching him. If the doubts were this bad touching, I couldn't imagine what they'd be like if we weren't touching. We'd just die. «My cross still works for me, Richard. It still burns with holy light. God hasn't forsaken me.»
«But he should have,» Richard said. «He should have, don't you see? If what I believe is right, if what you say you believe is right, then your cross should not burn. You have broken so many commandments. You've murdered, tortured, fucked, but your cross still works. I don't understand that.»
«You're saying I'm evil, so God should have turned his back on me?»
Even with most of his face hidden, I saw his face convulse with emotion, tears finally falling. He nodded. «Yes, that's what I mean.»
I just looked at him, and knew that it was partly vampire powers messing with his head, but that perhaps Columbine's powers only brought out what was already inside you. Some part of Richard believed what he was saying.
« Ma petite …»
«No,» I said, «no, it's okay.» My chest felt like a piece of it had been carved out, not bloody and warm, but cold and icy. As if the piece had been missing a long time, but I hadn't wanted to see it, feel it, know it.
«It was not sex she offered to my congregation, only friendship.»
«But it won't stay that way, it never does,» Richard said. He looked at Malcolm and said, «You're asking me to do something that you would never do yourself.»
Malcolm nodded. «You're right»—he nodded again—«you are absolutely right. I have stood on my moral high ground and been so certain. So certain that I was right, that Jean-Claude was not only wrong, but evil. I have said such hateful things to Anita, called her whore and witch . I have called all Jean-Claude's people that and worse to my congregation, but all my righteousness could not protect them.»
Richard nodded. «I know. Anita saved my mother and brother, saved their lives, but she did terrible things to get there in time. Things I still think are immoral, wrong, and I have to live every day with the knowledge that if I had been there I would have stopped Anita from torturing that man. I wouldn't have let her dehumanize him, or herself. I would have stood on my moral high ground and my mother and my brother, Daniel, would both be dead.» Tears shimmered, edged by the leather. «I used to be so sure of so much. Raina didn't shake my faith. She made me more certain. Only Anita, only Jean-Claude, only they have made me doubt everything.»
I drew a little away from Jean-Claude, still touching, because I was afraid to stop touching him. If the doubts were this bad touching, I couldn't imagine what they'd be like if we weren't touching. We'd just die. «My cross still works for me, Richard. It still burns with holy light. God hasn't forsaken me.»
«But he should have,» Richard said. «He should have, don't you see? If what I believe is right, if what you say you believe is right, then your cross should not burn. You have broken so many commandments. You've murdered, tortured, fucked, but your cross still works. I don't understand that.»
«You're saying I'm evil, so God should have turned his back on me?»
Even with most of his face hidden, I saw his face convulse with emotion, tears finally falling. He nodded. «Yes, that's what I mean.»
I just looked at him, and knew that it was partly vampire powers messing with his head, but that perhaps Columbine's powers only brought out what was already inside you. Some part of Richard believed what he was saying.
« Ma petite …»
«No,» I said, «no, it's okay.» My chest felt like a piece of it had been carved out, not bloody and warm, but cold and icy. As if the piece had been missing a long time, but I hadn't wanted to see it, feel it, know it.