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Darkly dreaming Dexter :: Lindsay Jeffry P.
Страница: 130 из 160”
“And does ‘I don't know' mean you don't know whether you're going to tell me, or does it mean that you really don't know if that's you in the picture?”
“I'm pretty sure it isn't me, Deborah,” I repeated. “But I really don't know for sure. It looks like me, doesn't it?”
“Shit,” she said, and kicked the chair where it lay. It slammed into the table. “How can you not know, goddamn it?!”
“It is a little tough to explain.”
“Try!”
I opened my mouth, but for once in my life nothing came out. As if everything else wasn't bad enough, I seemed to be all out of clever, too. “I just-I've been having these… dreams, but-Deb, I really don't know,” I said, and I may have actually mumbled it.
“Shit shit SHIT!” said Deborah. Kick kick kick.
And it was very hard to disagree with her analysis of the situation.
All my stupid, self-mutilating musings swam back at me with a bright and mocking edge. Of course it wasn't me-how could it be me? Wouldn't I know it if it was me? Apparently not, dear boy. Apparently you didn't actually know anything at all. Because our deep dark dim little brains tell us all kinds of things that swim in and out of reality, but pictures do not lie.
Deb unleashed a new volley of savage attacks on the chair, and then straightened up. Her face was flushed very red and her eyes looked more like Harry's eyes than they ever had before. “All right,” she said. “It's like this,” and she blinked and paused for a moment as it occurred to both of us that she had just said a Harry thing.
And for a second Harry was there in the room between me and Deborah, the two of us so very different, and yet still both Harry's kids, the two strange fists of his unique legacy. Some of the steel went out of Deb's back and she looked human, a thing I hadn't seen for a while. She stared at me for a long moment, and then turned away. “You're my brother, Dex,” she said. I was very sure that was not what she had originally intended to say.
“No one will blame you,” I told her.
“Goddamn you, you're my brother !” she snarled, and the ferocity of it took me completely by surprise. “I don't know what went on with you and Dad. The stuff you two never talked about. But I know what he would have done.”
“Turned me in,” I said, and Deborah nodded. Something glittered in the corner of her eye. “You're all the family I have, Dex.”
“Not such a great bargain for you, is it?”
She turned to me, and I could see tears in both eyes now. For a long moment she just looked at me. I watched the tear run from her left eye and roll down her cheek.
“And does ‘I don't know' mean you don't know whether you're going to tell me, or does it mean that you really don't know if that's you in the picture?”
“I'm pretty sure it isn't me, Deborah,” I repeated. “But I really don't know for sure. It looks like me, doesn't it?”
“Shit,” she said, and kicked the chair where it lay. It slammed into the table. “How can you not know, goddamn it?!”
“It is a little tough to explain.”
“Try!”
I opened my mouth, but for once in my life nothing came out. As if everything else wasn't bad enough, I seemed to be all out of clever, too. “I just-I've been having these… dreams, but-Deb, I really don't know,” I said, and I may have actually mumbled it.
“Shit shit SHIT!” said Deborah. Kick kick kick.
And it was very hard to disagree with her analysis of the situation.
All my stupid, self-mutilating musings swam back at me with a bright and mocking edge. Of course it wasn't me-how could it be me? Wouldn't I know it if it was me? Apparently not, dear boy. Apparently you didn't actually know anything at all. Because our deep dark dim little brains tell us all kinds of things that swim in and out of reality, but pictures do not lie.
Deb unleashed a new volley of savage attacks on the chair, and then straightened up. Her face was flushed very red and her eyes looked more like Harry's eyes than they ever had before. “All right,” she said. “It's like this,” and she blinked and paused for a moment as it occurred to both of us that she had just said a Harry thing.
And for a second Harry was there in the room between me and Deborah, the two of us so very different, and yet still both Harry's kids, the two strange fists of his unique legacy. Some of the steel went out of Deb's back and she looked human, a thing I hadn't seen for a while. She stared at me for a long moment, and then turned away. “You're my brother, Dex,” she said. I was very sure that was not what she had originally intended to say.
“No one will blame you,” I told her.
“Goddamn you, you're my brother !” she snarled, and the ferocity of it took me completely by surprise. “I don't know what went on with you and Dad. The stuff you two never talked about. But I know what he would have done.”
“Turned me in,” I said, and Deborah nodded. Something glittered in the corner of her eye. “You're all the family I have, Dex.”
“Not such a great bargain for you, is it?”
She turned to me, and I could see tears in both eyes now. For a long moment she just looked at me. I watched the tear run from her left eye and roll down her cheek.