Incubus Dreams   ::   Гамильтон Лорел

I put the receiver back in its cradle and started walking out of the kitchen. Micah was standing by the table, watching with careful kitty-cat eyes. I understood now how much he held back behind that careful face. But tonight I didn’t pry. I had enough horrors of my own without borrowing. “You know about what Jean-Claude’s been doing with theardeur?” I asked.

“Yes, Jean-Claude had me keep an eye on Nathaniel, so that if he started to get weak, I could call for help.”

I shook my head. “I endangered him, all of you.” I felt numb again, even the self-recrimination felt like just words. Later, when there was more of me, I’d feel bad, but right now, I’d felt about as bad as I was able. There just wasn’t enough of me left to worry about it.

“Anita.” Micah was in front of me and I hadn’t seen him move.

“Anita, are you alright?”

I shook my head. The answer was no, but out loud I said, “I want to be cleaned up before theardeur comes back. I want to get this shit off of me.” I started for the bathroom. Micah trailed after me.

Nathaniel was bending over the bath tub, his pony tail trailing around his naked upper body. He’d stripped down to silk boxers.

The sight of him like that should have moved me, but it didn’t.

Cold, I felt so cold inside.

He gave me worried eyes as he moved toward me. “What can I do to help?”

I flung myself on him hard enough he staggered. He held me against the warmth of his body. He held me tight and hard, responding to my desperation. I wanted to bury myself in his flesh, wrap him up around me, but I couldn’t. I’d endangered him, risked his life, by simply not paying attention to theardeur. If Jean-Claude had not helped out…

I tried to push the thought away, but Jonah Cooper’s body flashed in my head. His body on the ground, my foot on his shoulder and grass showing through his chest. “You feel the draw of them, I know you do,” he’d said.

I was on my knees and only Nathaniel’s hands had kept me from hurting myself on the edge of the tub. “Anita…”

I pulled away from Nathaniel and reached for Micah. He took my hand and said, “Go, Nathaniel, go, before theardeur comes.”

“I don’t think…” he started to say.

I screamed, “Go, please go! God, go!”

I didn’t see Nathaniel go, or stay, because Jean-Claude dropped his shielding. I don’t know what I’d expected. He’d made it sound like he borrowed my favorite coat, or book, and now he’d give it back, but a coat doesn’t want to come back to you, a book doesn’t care who reads it.