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Veronika decides to die :: Coelho Paulo
Страница: 22 из 115“Oddly enough I never used to suffer from depression on cold, gray, cloudy days like this. I felt as if nature was in harmony with me, that it reflected my soul. On the other hand, when the sun appeared, the children would come out to play in the streets, and everyone was happy that it was such a lovely day, and then I would feel terrible, as if that display of exuberance in which I could not participate was somehow unfair.”
Delicately Veronika detached herself from the woman. She didn’t like physical contact.
“You didn’t finish what you were saying. You were saying something about what I asked you last night.”
“There’s a group of people here, men and women who could have left, who could be back home, but who don’t want to leave. There are many reasons for this: Villete isn’t as bad as people say although it’s far from being a five-star hotel. Here inside, everyone can say what they like, do what they want, without being criticized. After all, they’re in a mental hospital. Then, when there are government inspections, these men and women behave like dangerous maniacs, because some are here at the state’s expense. The doctors know this, but there must be some order from the owners that allows the situation to continue, because there are more vacancies than there are patients.”
“Could they get hold of some pills for me?”
“Try to contact them; they call their group the Fraternity.” Zedka pointed to a woman with white hair, who was talking animatedly with some younger women.
“Her name is Mari, she belongs to the Fraternity. Ask her.”
Veronika started walking toward Mari, but Zedka stopped her. “No, not now, she’s having fun. She’s not going to stop something that gives her pleasure just to be nice to a complete stranger. If she should react badly, you’ll never have another chance to approach her. The ‘insane’ always believe in first impressions.”
Veronika laughed at the way Zedka said the word “insane,” but she was worried too, because everything here seemed so normal, so nice. After so many years of going straight from work to a bar, from that bar to the bed of some lover, from his bed to her room, from her room to her mother’s house, she was now experiencing something she had never dreamed of: a mental hospital, insanity, an insane asylum, where people were not ashamed to say that they were crazy, where no one stopped doing something they were enjoying just to be nice to others.
She began to doubt that Zedka was serious, or if it wasn’t just a way by which mental patients could pretend that the world they lived in was better than that of others.
Delicately Veronika detached herself from the woman. She didn’t like physical contact.
“You didn’t finish what you were saying. You were saying something about what I asked you last night.”
“There’s a group of people here, men and women who could have left, who could be back home, but who don’t want to leave. There are many reasons for this: Villete isn’t as bad as people say although it’s far from being a five-star hotel. Here inside, everyone can say what they like, do what they want, without being criticized. After all, they’re in a mental hospital. Then, when there are government inspections, these men and women behave like dangerous maniacs, because some are here at the state’s expense. The doctors know this, but there must be some order from the owners that allows the situation to continue, because there are more vacancies than there are patients.”
“Could they get hold of some pills for me?”
“Try to contact them; they call their group the Fraternity.” Zedka pointed to a woman with white hair, who was talking animatedly with some younger women.
“Her name is Mari, she belongs to the Fraternity. Ask her.”
Veronika started walking toward Mari, but Zedka stopped her. “No, not now, she’s having fun. She’s not going to stop something that gives her pleasure just to be nice to a complete stranger. If she should react badly, you’ll never have another chance to approach her. The ‘insane’ always believe in first impressions.”
Veronika laughed at the way Zedka said the word “insane,” but she was worried too, because everything here seemed so normal, so nice. After so many years of going straight from work to a bar, from that bar to the bed of some lover, from his bed to her room, from her room to her mother’s house, she was now experiencing something she had never dreamed of: a mental hospital, insanity, an insane asylum, where people were not ashamed to say that they were crazy, where no one stopped doing something they were enjoying just to be nice to others.
She began to doubt that Zedka was serious, or if it wasn’t just a way by which mental patients could pretend that the world they lived in was better than that of others.