JК
Veronika decides to die :: Coelho Paulo
Страница: 23 из 115But what did it matter? She was experiencing something interesting, different, totally unexpected. Imagine a place where people pretend to be crazy in order to do exactly what they want.
At that precise moment Veronika’s heart turned over. She suddenly remembered what the doctor had said, and she felt frightened.
“I want to walk alone a little,” she said to Zedka. She was, after all, “crazy” too, and she no longer had to worry about pleasing anyone.
The woman moved off, and Veronika stood looking at the mountains beyond the walls of Villete. A faint desire to live seemed about to surface, but Veronika determinedly pushed it away.
I must get hold of those pills as soon as possible.
She reflected on her situation there; it was far from ideal Even if they allowed her to do all the crazy things she wanted to do, she wouldn’t know where to start.
She had never done anything crazy.
* * *
After some time in the garden, everyone went back to the refectory and had lunch. Immediately afterward, the nurses led both men and women to a huge living room divided into lots of different areas; there were tables, chairs, sofas, a piano, a television, and large windows through which you could see the gray sky and the low clouds. None of the windows had bars on them, because the room opened onto the garden. The doors were closed because of the cold, but all you had to do was turn the handle, and you could go outside again and walk once more among the trees.
Most people went and sat down in front of the television. Others stared into space, others talked in low voices to themselves, but who has not done the same at some moment in their lives? Veronika noticed that the older woman, Mari, was now with a larger group in one of the corners of the vast room. Some other patients were walking nearby, and Veronika tried to join them in order to eavesdrop on what the group members were saying.
She tried to disguise her intentions as best she could, but whenever she came close, they all fell silent and turned as one to look at her.
“What do you want?” said an elderly man, who seemed to be the leader of the Fraternity (if such a group really existed and Zedka was not actually crazier than she seemed).
“Nothing, I was just passing.”
They exchanged glances and made a few jerky gestures with their heads. One said to the other. “She was just passing.” The other repeated the remark more loudly this time, and soon they were all shouting the same words.
Veronika didn’t know what to do and stood there paralyzed with fear.
At that precise moment Veronika’s heart turned over. She suddenly remembered what the doctor had said, and she felt frightened.
“I want to walk alone a little,” she said to Zedka. She was, after all, “crazy” too, and she no longer had to worry about pleasing anyone.
The woman moved off, and Veronika stood looking at the mountains beyond the walls of Villete. A faint desire to live seemed about to surface, but Veronika determinedly pushed it away.
I must get hold of those pills as soon as possible.
She reflected on her situation there; it was far from ideal Even if they allowed her to do all the crazy things she wanted to do, she wouldn’t know where to start.
She had never done anything crazy.
* * *
After some time in the garden, everyone went back to the refectory and had lunch. Immediately afterward, the nurses led both men and women to a huge living room divided into lots of different areas; there were tables, chairs, sofas, a piano, a television, and large windows through which you could see the gray sky and the low clouds. None of the windows had bars on them, because the room opened onto the garden. The doors were closed because of the cold, but all you had to do was turn the handle, and you could go outside again and walk once more among the trees.
Most people went and sat down in front of the television. Others stared into space, others talked in low voices to themselves, but who has not done the same at some moment in their lives? Veronika noticed that the older woman, Mari, was now with a larger group in one of the corners of the vast room. Some other patients were walking nearby, and Veronika tried to join them in order to eavesdrop on what the group members were saying.
She tried to disguise her intentions as best she could, but whenever she came close, they all fell silent and turned as one to look at her.
“What do you want?” said an elderly man, who seemed to be the leader of the Fraternity (if such a group really existed and Zedka was not actually crazier than she seemed).
“Nothing, I was just passing.”
They exchanged glances and made a few jerky gestures with their heads. One said to the other. “She was just passing.” The other repeated the remark more loudly this time, and soon they were all shouting the same words.
Veronika didn’t know what to do and stood there paralyzed with fear.